Within a very short space of time the world had changed drastically, we have been plucked out of our everyday lives and thrown into the unknown. As humans we like to construct our lives around boundaries so we feel we have predictability and so a feeling of safety.

With the changes Covid-19 has brought to our lives we have lost varying degrees of that predictability and safety. Our usual construct of what is ‘safe’ and ‘normal’ helps us to operate on a day to day basis with an emotional framework. Most people are able to predict they will feel generally emotionally fine as long as their day goes to plan.

With the loss of the boundaries that as safety parameters we have in place usually people are feeling a huge mix of feelings they are not generally accustomed to and in many cases it’s the magnified intensity of these feelings that are leaving people feeling quite overwhelmed.

So, What could we expect next?

One of the feelings we are probably going to start to feel is grief. Most people will have experienced grief before now with the loss of a loved one so we know how it can feel, but can we expect this to feel different?

For the most part yes probably it will feel different unless you have sadly lost a loved one in this time. This grief will for most feel like a collective grief. It is similar to the grief and sense of loss we might have felt at times after events such as 9/11, the death of Princess Diana or Dunblane.

If we look at loss in the context of Covid-19 whilst the loss of human life in this situation is devastating, there are other kinds of loses we are experiencing, hopefully albeit temporary but compounded together this can start to have quite an emotional affect.

Many of us have lost our daily routine, our freedom to go out where we want when we want, we have lost our interaction with friends and family as we socially isolate, we have potentially lost jobs or certainly more broadly our job certainty, our financial security.

So can we lump all of this into one feeling and call it grief?

Those of us who have experienced the rawness of grieving for a loved one will acknowledge that this collective grief feels different but on some levels also very similar.

There are different types of grief. Currently we are experiencing for the most part anticipatory grief.

This is a feeling which could also be named as anxiety. This feeling is present when we understand we are facing a difficult time, we understand something terrible is unfolding which will have a ripple affect across all of our lives but to what extent we don’t yet know. This sort of feeling leaves us fearful and anxious as if we are bracing ourselves for something.

With this current situation there are so many unknowns, we don’t know on an individual level if we will get ill, if we do how badly, who in our wider circles might be affected? Economically will we be okay?

And a big unknown for this situation is we don’t have time scales. It is unprecedented, one of the first times on this collective scale that we have no indication on the overall impact of loss we are facing. This kind of anticipatory grief causes great anxiety and confusion.

So what can we do to help ourselves navigate through this emotionally testing time?

With regards to anticipatory grief if we look at it as anxiety, anxiety is the brains way of imagining the future and what ‘might happen’. This is natures response from the brain and should not be feared, however if these feelings are getting overwhelming and dominating they may need some management.

The brains natural response when we feel unsafe or identify a threat is to play out all the different possible scenarios. This is our way of anticipating the pain / problems we may face in order to take action to mitigate this happening or lessening the impact.

This is a great natural safety response as long as it continues to feel safe, i.e. imagining what it may feel like to get the virus and as a result taking precautions in hand washing, social distancing etc are all good precautionary measures to take.

Where it becomes unhealthy is when the thoughts continue to spiral and begin to consume us to the point of being intrusive.

So how do you stop thoughts and feelings becoming intrusive and consuming?

As with other treatment models for anxiety using mindfulness and trying to bring your mind and thoughts back to the here and now is key. Fear and anxiety live in the future and for the most part if you look at where you are right now. In this second, you are fine, you are safe.

You can take precautions for you and the people in your immediate surroundings by following the health guidelines. (See the links below for mindfulness resources).

Focus on acceptance of what you can control and try to let go of the things you don’t have control of. i.e. I can wash my hands and keep myself isolated from the virus but I can’t control how other people are responding.

Admit how you are feeling. If you can speak to a friend or family member or seek counselling. If you don’t feel comfortable doing this just admitting it to yourself can be enormously beneficial.

When we are able to name how we are feeling it gives us comfort in having a context to understand our feelings. Tell yourself you are okay to feel this way. These are difficult times we are in and difficult times come with difficult feelings.

Generally as soon as you are able to acknowledge your feelings, they will shift and move through you making way for a different feeling. That’s not to say you won’t experience it again. As this situation continues to unfold you may experience the same feelings again over the coming weeks and months. That’s fine – repeat the steps, acknowledge the feeling, use mindfulness to ground you in the present, and remind yourself for now you are okay. You are doing all you can and you choose to let go of what you can’t control.

Kubler-Ross, Stages of Grief model shows the different stages of grief. For the purposes of this blog I have added in red how this may affect people in the context of COVID-19.

Also attached is a model of assessing what is and what is outside of your control - a useful exercise to do if you are feeling overwhelmed.

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COVID-19 The emotional element

COVID-19 The Emotional Element